There's no doubt about it, being a mom is really hard and sometimes we can catch ourselves being a little judgmental of one another. With the acceleration of social media in the last decade, mom shaming has become more far reaching. What's at the heart of all this negativity? Being a mom can mean experiencing some of the most extreme highs and extreme lows and all before breakfast sometimes! The truth is, it's no easy feat on our emotions, our minds or our bodies to make it through the day sometimes. Yet somehow, when it comes to judging other moms, we tend to forget that we're all just doing our best.
Judging is Self Reflection
It's been my experience that when I find myself judging others, the root cause is that my own internal dialogue is harsh and full of self judgment. Let me ask you, do you love yourself? Have you given yourself grace today? If you have a little voice in your head that's telling you you're not enough, that your house is too messy, that your butt is too flat or any other critique that makes you feel badly about yourself as a person and a mother, I want you to STOP IT right now!
In fact, I'll do one better. In order to replace this habit of negative self talk, we need to replace it with positive affirmations. It takes an average of 6 weeks to make or break a habit (scientifically shown amount of time for new neural pathways to form in your brain) and momma, you've got one heck of a bad habit talking to yourself like that!
Start here and say them out loud to yourself:
I AM LOVED.
I AM HEARD.
I AM WANTED.
I AM SAFE.
I AM ENOUGH.
We're so grateful to our momma friend, Maya, whose Instagram post spurred this post. She reveals the harsh, unkind words that some women (and men) feel the need to tell her. She explains she's tired of always being judged whether she's a "good mother," or not. She's encouraged us all to start using the hashtag #MOMSAGAINSTMOMSHAMING. Tag us @UpSpringBaby too so we can all support each other on our motherhood journeys!
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A fellow mother said to me: “The fact that you have time to stage pictures, tells me that you have no idea what a tired mother really is. I have 8 kids, you have 2, get over it.” Why is her tiredness real and mine isn’t? You are a good mother if you have a messy house or if you have a neat house. You are a good mother if you open up about your problems or if you suffer in silence. You are a good mother if you stay at home and go borderline crazy, or if you go to work with a heavy heart and miss your baby all day. You’re a good mother if you make your child’s food or if you buy a jar of baby food. If you bottle feed. If you breastfeed. Single mother, married mother, divorced mother, rich mother, poor mother, minivan mother, young mother, older mother, tattooed mother, type A mother, type B mother, 1 child, 12 children, you are THE BEST MOTHER! Do not allow anyone to tell you otherwise! DEAR GOD, this shouldn’t be a thing, there are no comparisons! We love our children, and we’re all doing our best. Don’t contribute to a judgmental & hateful culture that destroys women’s self esteem and confidence. You don’t know their story. I don’t need praise, it’s just that so many of my friends go through this as well and it’s getting old. Let’s stand tall, join in together and tell our story and how this has affected us. I created the hashtag #MOMSAGAINSTMOMSHAMING please use it!